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It would take forever to explain how this quote would fit into regular conversation, but it is probably the weirdest thing I have ever said while high, "Pass me that toothpick Jesus, because my dick is coming off."

"I love surfboards. They're tasty... cause they're colourful. Tasty... Colourful... SKITTLES!"

hiiiiiiii, im baked as an apple pie!

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OneHitWonder

Hmm one of the most recent was last week.

Me with 3 of my buddies smoking, chillin

Me : Guys, Wheres the weed
Buddy#1: on the table
Buddy#2: i thought it was on the tray
Buddy#3: i thought we smoked it
Me: yeah i thought we smoked it too O_O * Checks table and tray* Oh no its on the table and the tray!
buddy#1&2: *laughs*
Buddy#3: Wait so are we all right? or is one of us wrong
Me: What?
Buddy#3: Dont worry
Me: *after searching thru my pockets i find more weed* guys when did i buy this weed?
Buddy#1: Where you get that from?
buddy#2: wtf?
Me: Fuck it lets smoke it anyway!

Turns out that was my bro's weed which i accidently took (doesnt matter he got plenty, he prob wont even notice a few buds missin)

anyway thats my story

First time I got stoned was with a fellow cross-country teammate in high school. Took a couple tokes in the car and went inside one of his friends' house. Got the giggles and told them it was my first time adding, "...you see, I'm a jock," and proceeded to fall of my chair laughing. Good tiiiiiimes!

Slightly off topic, but one of the best laughs I had was watching Me, Myself & Irene with my sister-in-law baked, of course. I was crying, laughing so hard, snot was coming out my nose. Sorry to see her go.

Oh yea everyone's been here. This is why I think most comedians are potheads. People who are stoned are just funny. Some memorable quotes from when me and my best friend get high are:

1. My Friend: "MAN I CAN'T FUCKING MOVE!!!"
   Me: "How come?"
   My Friend: "I'm Fucked Stucked!"
   of course at this I stop and laugh for about 5 minutes straight lol.
   Me: "HOLY SHIT MAN! I don't think I've ever smoked enough weed to make me fucked stucked. Can you imagine just how high you would have to be to reach a level where your fucked stucked? That's like a stoner's dream is to be able to reach that kind of high. God I envy you!"
   My Friend: "How come?"
   Me:" Cause we smoke a bowl of hindu kush and your fucked stucked and I'm high but not even really stoned yet. I wish I could be at that state of fucked stuckedness."
   
   lol I think he originally was trying to say he was fucking stuck but it just didn't work out.
2. Me: "So man I was thinking man philosophically."
   My Friend: "Ok so far I'm following you but this sounds deep so I don't know how long that'll last."
   Me: "So man just think about it. Alcholol is basically man made right? So I can understand if the church says its wrong to drink but how can christians demoralize weed? I mean think about it... Everything god created is good right? So god created weed its from the earth so it must be good. God had intentions for it or he wouldn't have put THC in it. And don't you see how it makes you love everyone? If the world was stoned we wouldn't have to worry about anything man cuz everyone would love one another. The only thing the church has against pot is it being illegal but hell even now that it is legal in places in america how can it be wrong?"
   My Friend: "Thats heavy man."
   Me: "Yea you think so?"
   My Friend:" Yea imagine a WHOLE world stoned... Can you imagine how much weed that would take."
   
   lol I think he missed the point I was getting at but ok w/e
3. Me: "So you ever notice how when your high you can just inhale forever and hold it a really long time without it bothering you or coughing?"
   My Friend: "Yea why?"
   Me: "I think it's cause your body like is numb from weed and it can't really feel the smoke as much. Either that or your just so fucking high that it feels like your inhaling for days when your just taking baby hits."
   My Friend: "I think its the second one!"
   
   lol ok one more thats all i can remember right now.
4. Me: "Dude I'm a member of this website where its basically a forum site for stoners."
   My Friend: "God you know your a pothead when you belong to a site that all they do is talk about weed."
   Me: "If you think thats bad I got one that will even make it funnier."
   My Friend: "How is that?"
   Me: "It's also saved to my favorites!"
   
   I was of course talking about this site lol

fucked stucked. i like that.lol

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one man gathers, what another man spills

"dude!!.. MY EYES , i'm ganna have a heart attack call an ambulance"

From a friend that was really high, after he said that he went into the bathroom and threw up and was putting water in his eyes. It was acouple years ago and I dont think hes ever gotten that paranoid since.

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"Is marijuana addictive? Yes, in the sense that most of the really pleasant things in life are worth endlessly repeating." Richard Neville

I was smoking way more than I could handle. My friend showed me the trick where you put an ice cube in your mouth to stop any smoke from coming out so I lost track. Then my other friend came in (currently sober)...
Me: (laughing uncontrollably) ...you...you HAVE TO SEE THIS!!!
Friend 1: Don't listen to him he's too messed up to talk straight
Me: (still laughing) no you have to see the ice cube trick! PASS ME A Bowl!
Friend 2: ok....
I then spent the next 20 minutes trying to keep an ice cube in my mouth while taking a hit and not laughing. I could not do all three at the same time.
Me: (20 minutes later): Its the ice cube trick.
Them: Go lie down.

my other favorite quote related to the MMazing candy bars (I never see them any more, they were M&M chocolate candy bars with stenciled in chocolate pics of the cartoon M&Ms.

Me: Dude! the candy has M&Ms in the candy bar and ON the candy bar!
Friend: Shut up and eat your candy
Me: No No you can't HANDLE THE CANDY BAR! It has M&Ms on it and in it
Friend: (stoned and frustrated) eat your candy. NOW!

You had to be there I think

HAHAHA XD! That made me laugh! I think I have one. Me and my friends smoked a pretty big blunt the other night, and there's always this friend of mine who says weird stuff when he's high. And one night before he had stated that when he was high he could "propulse his blood through his entire body".

So we're still toking and then my friend looks at me and says:
"I'm propulsing my blood A FUCKING LOT right now!!"

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Can you... Can you torch me?

One time me and my friends were smoking a couple blunts and right when we were almost done smoking the second one, my friend mike came with a "pot virgin" and right after I exhaled the smoke she asked me "so what's it like?" and I answered
-"it's like...fucking your own brain...and then eating it...ha..." (I was high as fuck at that point)


Another time, I was smoking out of my girlfriend's bong and we were both stoned as shit so we started making out and then had some MORE weed and I took a hit and then started starring at the bong and I was grinning and I said
-"shit man......I fuckin love this uh.....this ummmm.....this bong man....I love it so much I would literally have sex with it..."



those are probly the funniest things I have ever said while high.

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-In this land of sorcery-
-Vision through T.H.C.-
-Holy feedback, It will free-
-Three wizards crowned with weed-
[~DopeThrone -by Electric Wizard]

"have fun while it's still legal. then have some more"

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One time me and my firends were super stoned, and friend #1 was having trouble thinking of what he wanted to say. He had just thought of it, but he quickly forgot it. His way of expressing his frustration was, "Dude! Its like, on the side of my mind but I cant get it!" It was funny as hell at the time.

Another good one Ive heard is "I solved the problem! Zombies arent retarded!" following a discussion on zombie movies.

Just the other day we had stopped at the liquor store and bought munchies, and then were going to go to McDonalds later, and for some reason i picked a jalapeno up off the ground, took a bite, convinced both of my firends to take a bite, and then took another bite. It was way too fucking spicy. We were drinking the water we bought like crazy, and eating the ice cream too. In the middle of all this, my homegirl yells, "Hurry up! Lets go to McDonalds before the ice cream melts!" You had to have been there to understand how funny that was at the time.

I remember one day my old friend Will took too long to pack a bowl.
So i told him, "it's 4:21 now", he said, "alright asshole, thank you for ruining my moment", and I said, "it's okay, 4:20 isn't over till it's 4:30!"

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