Humorous BS Stories

Nanoose · 12-01-2008, 05:26 AM

Hello! I used to work for Michele Jackson (the singer). My job was
to hide behind Michele while he was performing on stage and wait until
I got my Q – then I would give Michele Jackson a goose so that he could
hit the high notes.
I thought I had a good career in show business going on but one day I showed
up for work and I was told that I was fired because Michele Jackson gave my job
to a chimpanzee called bubbles. Cheers!

Nanoose · 12-01-2008, 04:41 PM

Elvis and I

Every now and then Elvis Presley drops by my place for a home
cooked meal. After dinner he always breaks out his guitar and sings
a song for my wife.
I usually don’t mind but the last time he was here he sung Blue Hawaii
and I got mad because I thought it was our song..
So while Elvis was helping my wife with the super dishes I snuck out to
his Caddy and shoved a potato up its exhaust pipe.
When Elvis couldn’t get his car started he was afraid to call a tow truck
because he was afraid that the driver would tip off the poperotsey.
So he asked me if he could borrow one of my disguises and I said,
“sorry Elvis – all my disguises are at the cleaners”
(they really weren’t)
It turned out that the tow truck driver did recognise Elvis and he threatened
to call the poperotsey if Elvis didn’t give him ten thousand dollars.
I starting feeling bad so I talked the tow truck driver down to eight
thousand dollars. Cheers!

freaked_cat_privates · 12-02-2008, 05:11 PM

i remember when i was in preschool this kid was taking a shit an opened the door an stuck his but in the air with a turd hanging off his but an it fell in his underwear

Nanoose · 12-03-2008, 06:45 AM

The 2 aliens and I

Once I was in the woods hunting for pine mushrooms and I heard a
strange whooshing sound above me.
Then I was hit by a bright light and than I started floating up in the air.
After a couple of seconds I passed out and when I woke up I noticed I was
tied face down on what appeared to be an Ikea bunk bed which I thought to
be a bit strange. But when I seen the 2 aliens and noticed that one of them
was holding a long slender probe I got real scared.
When I get scared I always try to calm myself down by singing that
surfing bird song.- so I started singing –
papa who mow - mow papa who mow –mow.
The aliens looked at me and scratched their heads and then they waved
their hands over a panel and what appeared to be a Funk & Wagner
dictionary appeared.
They couldn’t find papa who mow - mow papa who mow –mow in
the dictionary so one of them said Google Search.
They waved their hands over the panel again and a monitor
appeared with an Internet Explorer dial up box on it which I also found a
bit strange.
After they connected they typed in
papa who mow - mow papa who mow –mow and hit the search button.
When the no search results were found page showed up the 2 aliens seemed
to get mad so I started singing louder.
The aliens kept hitting the try again button and after about 20 times I started
feeling sorry for the little buggers and said – try Surfing bird.
They did and when they got a page that said 10.000.002 search results
found they looked a little frustrated so I said let me help.
I was hit by another beam of light and a split second later I was sitting at a
key board which I found a bit strange but figured it was better then being
tied face down on a Ikea bunk bed.
I found a music down load and when a prompt box showed up that said –
some files can harm your computer I asked the aliens if I should continue.
It was at that moment that the aliens and I started bonding – they could
see that I meant them or their computer no harm and I could see the big
bag of bud by the panel.
After we listened to the song we smoked a doobie and I asked them if
they were really going to probe me and they said – na we were just messing
with your head. Cheers!

freaked_cat_privates · 12-04-2008, 12:16 AM

i think my story has more class then urs lol

Nanoose · 12-08-2008, 06:32 PM

My strange neighbour Hillary Simmons

My neighbour Hillary Simmons is always humming circus tunes.
From the moment she gets up in the morning until the moment she goes to
sleep at night that woman is humming circus tunes.
Once I said to her – Hillary your always humming cirrus tunes – were you in
the circus or something – she just sort of smiled and kept humming.
What I find even stranger then the constant humming is every
Saturday morning (rain or shine) for the past 30 years she marches out of her
house carrying a bucket of red paint and a paint brush.
She hums and marches to her back fence and starts to re-paint it - what’s
really strange is she keeps marching as she paints.
And its not your regular Saturday morning type of marching its that
goose step march. Once I said to her – Hillary ever Saturday morning you
march out of your house and re-paint your fence red – were you in the
army or a political party?
She just sort of smiled – hummed and did a quick about face and marched
into her house to clean her paint brush.
But it is what Hillary will do after she cleans her paint brush that I find
the strangest.
After my neighbour Hillary Simmons cleans her paint brush she spends the
rest of the day listing to Country and Western music.
Cheers!

Humorous BS Stories

Humor and Comedy