Blonde jokes & one liners

unmeg

I dont know or better yet cant remember.F-en CRS (Cant Remember Shit) so hopefuly you folks can help me lol.


heres mine
Why did the blonde climb the chainlink fence??????????





To see what was on the other side......

I love that joke.....
peace

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Just cause u dont understand it...dont mean it dont make no sense.& just cause u dont like it,.dont mean it aint no good.And let me tell u something...Befroe u go taking a walk in my world ,u better look @ the real world.Cause this aint no Mr.Rogers Neighborhood....Can u say "feel like shit?" Yea maybe sometimes I do fell like shit.I aint happy about it,But I'd rather feel like shit then be full of shit.& if I offended you maybe u needed to be offended,but heres my apology & 1 more thing,Fuck You

smokey

what do u call a brunette between 2 blondes?
........a translator

peace

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Toasty

What do you call a blonde with pig tails- A blowjob with handlebars
How do you kill a blonde- put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool

Whats a redhead- a blonde who hasn't had the fire fucked out her yet


lol just three right off the top of my head. I don't know if you've heard them or not but they were the only ones I could remember. I haven't heard a good blonde joke in a while.

Spills

the ultimate one-liner:

Your friend: "Nah I'm busy, my Mother is coming"

You: "That's what she said!"

Raqalicious

lmao I always say "that's what she/he said" after something that sounds slightly questionable I'm gutter-minded 100% of the time !

My favorite corny joke:
What did the fish say when he swam into the concrete wall?

Dam(n)!

I can't think of any blond jokes right now tho

smokey

just thought of another quickie

how do u confuse a blonde?

...put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner

peace

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Cannavelli

How can you tell if a blonde stuffs her bra?

You can still see the outline of the box.

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unmeg

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"



SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"



RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "you ARE on the other side."



AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken"



KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.

Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"



BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"



IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"



DOGS
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two New dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blonde. "They're Watch dogs!"

__________________
Just cause u dont understand it...dont mean it dont make no sense.& just cause u dont like it,.dont mean it aint no good.And let me tell u something...Befroe u go taking a walk in my world ,u better look @ the real world.Cause this aint no Mr.Rogers Neighborhood....Can u say "feel like shit?" Yea maybe sometimes I do fell like shit.I aint happy about it,But I'd rather feel like shit then be full of shit.& if I offended you maybe u needed to be offended,but heres my apology & 1 more thing,Fuck You

bigE

spankey

a smart Blondie, Santa Claus, and the easter bunny are walking down the street together. one sees a $50 and picks it up. which one and why?























none of the three they don't exists.

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those clear wrapping papers are the shit.

Wab

What do u call a blonde with 2 brain cells?


Pregnant!

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You're not stoned enough if you can lie on the floor without holding on!!

Clutch

How can you tell if a blonde's been on your computer?




There's white-out on your screen.

TeeBox

Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?

A: The cow fell on top of her.