Jokes

BlUnT_k1lL4

has any body got any jokes i got a fiew.......


yo mammas so fat when she gets o the digital scales it says sorry 1 at a time please..

yo mammas so stupid she sneaks past the sleeping tablets...

yo mammas so stupid she got locked in mc donalds for 2 weeks and starved to death...

knock knock... whos there... orange... orange who... orange u glad im telling u all thease jokes...

id tell you a funny joke about the butter but youd spread it...
id tell you a funny joke about a wall but you wont get over it...
id tell you a funny joke about the bin but its rubbish...

knock knock... whos there... the little dwarf that cant reach the door bell...

there was a blonde a brunette and a ginger woman and they was best friends. they got trapped on a desert island and they found a magic lamp. they rubbed it and a genie poped out, he said you each have one wish.
the brunette says ... i wish i was at home... so she goes home.
then the ginge says i wish i was in america ... so she goes there.
then the blonde says ... i wish my friends was here with me.... lol

anybody got more??

Psycrow420

Yo momma so ugly she makes a freight train take a dirt road.


You so ugly when you were born the doc slapped yo momma, yo daddy then shot himself for delivering you (boy thats ugly)


yo momma so dumb she thought a 4x4 was a 16 wheeler


Yo daddy so stupid at the golf course someone yelled FORE and he said "NO its hole 6 you moron"

Knock knock....whos there....you.....you who....YOOHOO Your jokes suck

__________________
To me, blunt you must pass, Hmm?




Do or Do Not, there is no Try hmmm----Yoda

halffoot

I got one.

Knock knock! Whose there? Is it you intelligent humor? Are wit or sarcasm with you?

Huh, whadya know, no one there.

__________________

madmax420now

why do farts stink?....so deaf people can appreciate them too.

why do men masterbate?....because its sex with someone they love.

have you heard of the Lorena Bobbit computer virus?....It turns your hard drive into a 3 1/2 floppy.

__________________
Better too much then not enough.

PeacefullyStoned

I just have to participate in this...

Yo momma is so fat, when she jumped in the air she got stuck.

Yo Gramdma's head is so wrinkled she has to screw her had on.

Yo Momma's so ugly when she went to the beach cats tried to bury her.

Yo family is so poor when i stepped on a lite cigarette in your living room somebody said "who turned off the heat?"

Yo Momma's vag is so hairy when you came out you had rug burn.
(sorry thats gross, but i find it funny)

Yo Daddy is so ugly when he looked out the window he got arrested for mooning.



Knock, Knock.... Who's there?...... Hello.....


Im Done.
Peace and Pot.

__________________
Toke Up

raythegrey

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed
for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien
addressed it saying, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to
your leader.'

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.

The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.

The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again,
there was no response.

Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his
ray gun and said impatiently, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do
not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!'

The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't want to
do that! I really don't think you should make him mad.'

'Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump
and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared
towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a
burnt, sm0king mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he
refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly
at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green
head.

'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He damn near
killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend
and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic
travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can wrap his penis around
himself twice and then stick it in his ear.'

smokey

very good lol

__________________
"Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction."
Bob Marley
"Every man gotta right to decide his own destiny"
Bob Marley
"Stand up, stand up, stand up for your rights"
Bob Marley
"We should really love each other in peace and harmony, instead we're fussin' n fighting like we ain't supposed to be"
Bob Marley

raythegrey

Newfie Wrestler

A Russian and a Newfoundland wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold medal. Before the final match, the Newfie wrestler's trainer came to him and said, 'Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never
lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has.

Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished'; the Newfie nodded in acknowledgment.

As the match started, the Newfie and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward,grabbing the Newfie and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands,for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.

Suddenly, there was a scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Newfoundlander collapsed on top of him making the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone, He asked, 'How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!'

The wrestler answered 'Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.'

So the trainer exclaimed, 'That's what finished him off!'

'Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own nuts.'

Psycrow420

OUCH

__________________
To me, blunt you must pass, Hmm?




Do or Do Not, there is no Try hmmm----Yoda

madmax420now

a nun gets on a bus and sits behind the driver, she says to the bus driver she needs someone to talk to,she lives in a convent and wants to experience sex before she dies.the bus driver agrees. the nun explains she cant have sex with anyone who is married because it would be a sin,the bus driver says no problem,he's not married.the nun says she also has to die a virgin so she'll have to take it up the butt,the bus driver agrees again and being the only people on the bus they go to the back of the bus and take care of business. when they were done and he had resumed driving the bus driver said sister I have a confession to make, I'm married and have 3 kids. the nun replies thats ok I have a confession too. my name is Bruce and I'm on my way to a costume party.

__________________
Better too much then not enough.

raythegrey

raythegrey

Dear Abby:





I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice.





I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with 'the girls' alot recently, although when I ask their names she always says, just some friends from work, you don't know them.





I try to stay awake and look out for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just did not want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to finally check on her. Around midnight, I hid in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with 'the girls.'





When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouching behind my golf clubs, that I noticed a hairline crack where the grip meets the graphite shaft on my 3-wood.





Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro-shop where I bought it?

krimson_death

your mothers so fat she makes the titanic look like a tictac

krimson_death

your mothers so stupid she got locked in the toilet and pissed her self

krimson_death

your mums so stupid she got ran over by a parked car

ur dads so stupid he was driving