[smokey]

The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!"

Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

[TeeBox]

Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence.
The Priest said,
"Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed to do so."

Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, "Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You can speak two words."
Sister Mary Katherine said, "Hard bed."
"I'm sorry to hear that," the Priest said, "We will get you a better bed."

After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was called by the Priest.
"You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine."
"Cold food," said Sister Mary Katherine, ! and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine into his office. "You may say two words today."
"I quit," said Sister Mary Katherine.

"It's probably best", said the Priest, "You've done nothing but bitch since you got here.

[smokey]

What two things in the air can make a women pregnant?
Her feet!

[Lulu]

A husband and wife were sitting watching TV
when an amusing but melancholy incident happened.

Inspired, the man turned to his wife and said:

'Honey, tell me something that will make me Happy
and Sad all at the same time.'

She said: 'You have the Biggest Dick of all your Friends.'

[TeeBox]

Originally Posted by Lulu

A husband and wife were sitting watching TV
when an amusing but melancholy incident happened.

Inspired, the man turned to his wife and said:

'Honey, tell me something that will make me Happy
and Sad all at the same time.'

She said: 'You have the Biggest Dick of all your Friends.'

Hahahahahahahaha! LMAO Tried to send karma your way but have to spread it around. Good one Lulu.

[smokey]

Originally Posted by Lulu

A husband and wife were sitting watching TV
when an amusing but melancholy incident happened.

Inspired, the man turned to his wife and said:

'Honey, tell me something that will make me Happy
and Sad all at the same time.'

She said: 'You have the Biggest Dick of all your Friends.'

ive heard a slightly different version but its still funny, i also have to spread the karma around before giving to u again lol

[smokey]

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.
He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"
Of course the Madam said no.
He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"
He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant for dinner, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!"

[Psycrow420]

so funny

[smokey]

ty for the karma psycrow, heres another one for ya

Bob calls in to his job:
"Hey, boss I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work."

The boss says:
"You know Bob, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that."

2 hours later Bob calls:
"Boss, I did what you said, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you got nice house."

[krazykrakkerbrad]

why don't they let Tweekers in to the olympics?


THey're always tryin to steal the torch

[krazykrakkerbrad]

You are a Coloradoan if ...........

1. You switch from 'Heat' to 'A/C' in one day.

2. You know what the ' Peoples Republic of Boulder ' means.

3. Your sense of direction is: towards the mountains and away from the mountains.

4. You're a meat-eating vegetarian.

5. The bike on your car is worth more than your car and you have your own special bike lane.

6. You're able to drive 65 miles per hour through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without even flinching.

7. You take your out-of-town guests to Casa Bonita even though you would never go there otherwise.

8. You think your major food groups are granola bars, tofu and Fat Tire Beer.

9. You design your kid's Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.

10 You think that sexy lingerie is wool socks and flannel PJs.

11. You know all 4 seasons 'almost winter, winter, still winter and spring blizzards

12. You've been tear gassed in a riot to celebrate a CU/CSU victory.

13. You can never figure out why your out-of-town guests faint from altitude sickness on a picnic to the mountains.

14. You can drive over a 12,000-foot pass in 4 feet of snow, but can't get to work if there are 4 inches of snow.

15. You know the 'correct' pronunciation of Buena Vista .

16. When you visit friends at sea level, you can drink a case of beer and not get a buzz.

17. Your car insurance costs more than your car.

18. You have surge protectors on every outlet.

19. April showers bring May blizzards.

20. 'Timberline' is someplace you have actually been.

21. You know what a 'Chinook' is

22. You kno w what a ' Rocky Mountain Oyster' is.

23 You know what a 'fourteener' is.

24. But you don't know what a 'turn signal' is.

25. A bear on your front porch doesn't bother you nearly as much as a Democrat in Congress does.

26. Your golf bag has a 9-iron, a 3-wood and a lightning rod.

27. People from out of state breathe 5 times as often as you do.

28. Having a Senator named Nighthorse doesn't seem strange.

29. Thunder has set off your car alarm.

30. You have an $800 stereo in your $300 truck.

31. You think a red light means 3 more cars can go.

32. Where we're going, we don't need roads!!

33. You know where the real ' South Park ' is.

34. You can recognize the license plates of all 50 states on sight.

35 Driving directions usually include 'Go over_________ Pass. '

36. You've 'checked for ticks.

37. You've dressed in shorts, sandals, and a parka with a hood.

38. You've gone snow skiing in July and........

39. You've played golf in January and.......

40. They were in the same year!

41. You've urinated on the Continental Divide just so it could run into both oceans.

42. You know what a down slope and an up slope weather pattern is.

43. And the most important: You get a certain feeling of satisfaction from knowing that California and Texas are both down stream.

44. You actually understand these jokes and send them to your Colorado friends

[krazykrakkerbrad]

How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

[krazykrakkerbrad]

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a

southern fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time ..' -
A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this

s**t....

[krazykrakkerbrad]

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern

zoo?

A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of

the cage along with... 'a recipe'..