Quick 20-bar keystyle (weed/party themed rap)... please drop your thoughts

Ziggzy · 07-17-2008, 07:39 AM

Got home from work tonight, smoked a few more bowls, and sat down at my laptop feelin nice and toasted... really bored so i threw on some rap instrumentals and banged out a quick keystyle in a little under 20 minutes. i used to rap and write a lot but i havent been doin it much lately... this definitely isnt my best work, i was just flowing and focusing on the rhymes and shit, just trying to get the hang of this again... anyway read it and let me know what you think. if yall want i can post some more of my shit.

"Jane"

Brang the flame to the Jane, then watch the green leaves combust
Breathe that weed till your eyes bleed, and your lungs turn to dust
See me, floatin and tokin, smokin potent W-double E-D,
Tree be gettin burnt like an mp3, when it’s moved onto a CD
Soon the fumes plume into the room - inhale the aroma
As you consume the perfume of cloves, crip and Corona
In the corner, blowin marijuana smoke when that thigh caught my eye
Fine foreigner, desde Tijuana, toke on the lye to fly high
Sittin lunchin, sippin punch and fuckin munchin by the bread dish
Eyes tinted reddish, a fiend fulfillin a mean lettuce fetish
Snuff out the roach and approach, ask the bitch for a slow dance
Chilled out stance, grasp her pants’ sorority logo; romance?
Oh no, a minority priority, behind these fine hoes, wino, and divine trees
In the zone, drunk skunk blunt hits in threes to the dome, thick lye freeze my mind, make me look Chinese
With an ease, find these, stairs and walk the silly cunnt up to the next level
Her legs split like a Philly blunt, then we walk out lookin all disheveled
Back raw, lipstick smeared where she did lick my big dick down south
Pimpish, fingers reek like old, limp fish, big spliff-danglin mouth
Now we got the shot glass out, vision spinnin ‘round like a propeller
About to just drop, pass out; feelin capable as Hellen Keller

please reply and let me know what you think.... felt kinda rusty but its good to get back into it. by the way, if theres people here who like to rhyme, we should get some textcee battles goin.

thanks

Ziggzy · 07-17-2008, 06:23 PM

Waked up, baked up... added a lil to it and switched it up... responses are appreciated. tell me what you think

Brang the flame to the Jane, then watch the green leaves combust
Breathin weed till my eyes bleed, and my lungs turn to dust
See me, floatin and tokin, smokin potent W, double E-D,
Tree be gettin burnt like an .mp3, when it’s moved onto a CD
Soon the fumes plume into the room - inhale the aroma
As you consume the perfume of cloves, crip and Corona
In the corner, blowin marijuana smoke when that thigh caught my eye
Fine foreigner, desde Tijuana, toke on the lye to fly high
Sittin lunchin, sippin punch and fuckin munchin by the bread dish
Eyes tinted reddish, a fiend fulfillin a mean lettuce fetish
Snuff out the roach and approach, ask the bitch for a slow dance
Chilled out stance, fondlin her pants’ sorority logo; romance?
Oh no, that’s a minority priority fo sho; behind fine trees,
Wino, and divine hoes; nugs got me lookin like I’m Chinese
Mind in a thick lye freeze, simply put I’m in the zone.
Drunk skunk blunt hits in threes straight to the dome.
Witness my steeze; this guy Steeve saw me with the silly ****
Found me a room, so soon her legs split like a Philly Blunt
Fixes her hair and we back, not carin. She’s unaware, till Karen
Said her name and was starin, I had no clue it was "Claire McPharen"
Sticky like ganj from all the warm sweat, spark the flame
Try to remember, but I forget the dame’s name.
Like medals on a war vet fucked up by a grenade
Different red shades commemorate escapades:
Lipstick and hiccies from man titties to big dick down south
Back scratched, fingers like limp fish. Pimpish, big spliff-holdin mouth
That stays steady scorchin sticky, stank dank; out of weeds?
Then this mouth is spittin game like watermelon seeds
Dirty deeds, shot glass out, got the spins like like a propeller
About to just drop, pass out; capable as Hellen Keller

HBizzle · 07-18-2008, 12:30 AM

i like it. much better then anything that i could ever do. not sure about the helen keller comment it seems like everyone is putting in that in their songs. lil wayne is who i think of off the top of my head.

keep up the creativity though!

Ziggzy · 07-18-2008, 01:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HBizzle

i like it. much better then anything that i could ever do. not sure about the helen keller comment it seems like everyone is putting in that in their songs. lil wayne is who i think of off the top of my head.

keep up the creativity though!

thanks.... i hadnt heard that analogy in a song before but i dont listen to lil wayne at all so whatever

cani · 07-18-2008, 04:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HBizzle

i like it. much better then anything that i could ever do. not sure about the helen keller comment it seems like everyone is putting in that in their songs. lil wayne is who i think of off the top of my head.

keep up the creativity though!

tht lyric is in a song from the band, 3oh!3,
dont know the song name,
they are too new...

Blitzed · 07-18-2008, 06:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ziggzy

thanks.... i hadnt heard that analogy in a song before but i dont listen to lil wayne at all so whatever

Not trying to thread jack or anything, but how can you not listen to wayne, he is one of if not one of the greatest rappers out there. You know most of those songs off his mixtape are mainly freestyles, your missin out if you dont listen to weezy.

As for your work, its good, im guessing once you get the kinks out after the break your shit will be much more crisp. Not to mention im reading it in my head, with no music, trying to put a beat too it. Im sure itd sound much better to music lol

Ziggzy · 07-18-2008, 06:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blitzed

Not trying to thread jack or anything, but how can you not listen to wayne, he is one of if not one of the greatest rappers out there. You know most of those songs off his mixtape are mainly freestyles, your missin out if you dont listen to weezy.

Because Weezy pretty much embodies the commercialized, watered-down, bubble gum, materialistic, simplistic rapper that rules today's hip-pop charts. Its really sad to me man... back in the day, you could accurately describe mainstream rap as an art form, because you had legitimately talented artists (Pac, Biggie, Nas, Tribe Called Quest, Run DMC, Wu Tang, Rakim, etc, etc, etc) doing new, creative, dope things. Today mainstream rap is all the same: expensive production, catchy delivery, and absolutely horrible radio-friendly club lyrics.... and Weezys shit is no different. Of course, there are people out there more responsible for the death of hip hop than Weezy (for example, 50 Cent played a big part in killing it and Souljah Boy tossed a grenade in its mouth after it hit the ground)... but rappers like Wayne are the reason for the tragically disastrous state of hip hop today.

So to answer your question, I do not listen to Wayne because I only listen to real hip hop: old shit, underground shit, and the very rare mainstream rapper that still makes quality rap music (a rarity, but it does happen).

Don't get me wrong, its not the materialistic part of it that gets to me.... if a rapper's life consists of clubbing, wearin jewels, and rollin around on 22s then, fine. Rap about that. Id rather have dude rapping about a life he actually lives than fronting and pretending (I guess Wayne is playing make believe too, whenever he talks about killing people, but whatever).... But if youre gonna do that, fucking DO IT WELL. Some of the greatest rappers of all time (eg, Big L, Mac Dre, etc) have rapped about almost nothing more than these stereotypical topics: jewels, hoes, money, killing people, selling drugs, doing drugs, etc.... but they all did it in a way that it was lyrical, fresh, creative, intricate, even deep. Shit, I just wrote that entire rap about smoking herb and getting laid at a party.... but it was lyrical and shit. These mainstream clowns out today can't even do that... if you wanna see what i mean, print out some Lil Wayne or 50 Cent lyrics, and read those. Then do the same with the lyrics of a talented rapper - Immortal Technique, Dead Prez, Black Star (Talib Qweli & Mos Def), Tupac, Big L, Jedi Mind Tricks, etc, etc, etc, etc - and see how it compares. Its fucking comical.

It absolutely blows my mind how many Lil Wayne dickriders have been somehow brainwashed into honestly believing that Wayne is the "greatest rapper alive," as he likes to claim over and over.... its fucking astonishing to me. Weezy is so far away from being even close to the greatest rapper alive that its just laughable. If you wanted, I could rattle off, at the very least, 20-30 living rappers who are wayyyyyy out of Weezy's league. Seriously, if you want me to try, let me know and I will.

I guess my question for you is why you believe what you said.... why, and on what merits, Lil Wayne "one of if not the greatest rappers out there"??? If you want, I could provide you with a handy little list of 20 living rappers who Wayne, even in his and your wildest dreams, could never even get close to touching... and if you find a way to logically argue that Wayne could be considered better than even 5 of them, Ill let you have it. But its not gonna happen man, Im sorry.

Thank you to everyone who posted for your replies and input, its greatly appreciated.... keep it coming.

Peace

Blitzed · 07-18-2008, 07:33 PM

For someone who doesn't listen to wayne you sure seem to know an awful lot about his rap. Ill give you that hip hop has changed majorly from the days of the pioneers of rap. But to even put lil wayne in the same catagory as 50 cent and soulja boy is laughable.

It just seems your arguement is the same for any person who perfers the more underground shit, than shit that is popular with everyone. Ive heard that same arguement about country rock jazz reaggae etc etc..

But again to each his own lol..

keep up the good work cant wait to see more

Ziggzy · 07-18-2008, 09:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blitzed

For someone who doesn't listen to wayne you sure seem to know an awful lot about his rap. Ill give you that hip hop has changed majorly from the days of the pioneers of rap. But to even put lil wayne in the same catagory as 50 cent and soulja boy is laughable.

It just seems your arguement is the same for any person who perfers the more underground shit, than shit that is popular with everyone. Ive heard that same arguement about country rock jazz reaggae etc etc..

But again to each his own lol..

keep up the good work cant wait to see more

Thanks man...

If that shit was meant sarcastically, yeah i do know a lot about his music. a lot of my friends are into him, and they bump his shit when we're ridin around or smokin or whatever... some of these friends listen to many of the same rappers i listed in my 1st post, like you said, to each his own... that hip-pop bullshit just isnt for me. Because I dont listen to him, he only appears on 30 out of 6000+ songs on my iPod, all of them either guest appearances or ones I ripped from my friends iPod... but it aint like ive never listened to him and im ignorantly talkin shit about him.

About placing him in the same category as 50, i guess i see your point but its all relative.... I guess Ill give you that they're both not quite on Souljah Boys level (50s not simply because of Get Rich or Die Tryin...everything hes done since then is more and more almost on SB's level). Like 50, Weezy makes music strictly for the radio and the mainstream, and is no more lyrical than 50. I mean, just isten to Lollypop and then Candy Shop. In my mind, he is in the same broader category: mainstream, unlyrical, predictable, shitty rappers. You could probably argue that 50's music today is even worse than Wayne's, but its all the same to me... why listen to that watered-down commercial bullshit when theres so much amazing quality rap outside of the mainstream?

So Ill give you that Weezys prolly nicer than 50 and definitely Souljah Boy, but they are both in the same wider category of mainstream hip-poppers.... dont see how that is "laughable" when you realistically consider the entire spectrum of rap music as an art form.

What is laughable is what you said about Wayne being "one of if not the greatest rapper out there." Honestly man, you need a serious fucking reality check if youre actually buying into Weezy's claims of being the "greatest rapper alive." If you want a little help with some rap rehab, i could suggest some rappers and PM you links to a few albums.

Blitzed · 07-18-2008, 10:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ziggzy

Thanks man...

If that shit was meant sarcastically, yeah i do know a lot about his music. a lot of my friends are into him, and they bump his shit when we're ridin around or smokin or whatever... some of these friends listen to many of the same rappers i listed in my 1st post, like you said, to each his own... that hip-pop bullshit just isnt for me. Because I dont listen to him, he only appears on 30 out of 6000+ songs on my iPod, all of them either guest appearances or ones I ripped from my friends iPod... but it aint like ive never listened to him and im ignorantly talkin shit about him.

About placing him in the same category as 50, i guess i see your point but its all relative.... I guess Ill give you that they're both not quite on Souljah Boys level (50s not simply because of Get Rich or Die Tryin...everything hes done since then is more and more almost on SB's level). Like 50, Weezy makes music strictly for the radio and the mainstream, and is no more lyrical than 50. I mean, just isten to Lollypop and then Candy Shop. In my mind, he is in the same broader category: mainstream, unlyrical, predictable, shitty rappers. You could probably argue that 50's music today is even worse than Wayne's, but its all the same to me... why listen to that watered-down commercial bullshit when theres so much amazing quality rap outside of the mainstream?

So Ill give you that Weezys prolly nicer than 50 and definitely Souljah Boy, but they are both in the same wider category of mainstream hip-poppers.... dont see how that is "laughable" when you realistically consider the entire spectrum of rap music as an art form.

What is laughable is what you said about Wayne being "one of if not the greatest rapper out there." Honestly man, you need a serious fucking reality check if youre actually buying into Weezy's claims of being the "greatest rapper alive." If you want a little help with some rap rehab, i could suggest some rappers and PM you links to a few albums.

To me he is better than most rappers that i have listened too, im not gonna lie im not into the whole underground scene, but i have listened to plenty of rap. Im not some goofy white boy in the suburbs that listened to Lollypop and feel into the fad.. Ive been a wayne fan since 500 degrees, and his music is just chill to listen to and his lyrics make me think, I dont listen to radio, but i dont think many lil wayne songs make it to the radio..

But because someone is on the radio, doesnt mean they are a bad rapper. Dr. Dre and Snoop both got played on the radio when i was younger, and you can't say they aren't good MC's. Eminem also got played on the radio non stop, and his first shit he came out with is still some of my favorite music

And im down for some text rap battles, im not sure if I'll be any good, but ill give anything a shot

Ziggzy · 07-21-2008, 08:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blitzed

To me he is better than most rappers that i have listened too, im not gonna lie im not into the whole underground scene, but i have listened to plenty of rap. Im not some goofy white boy in the suburbs that listened to Lollypop and feel into the fad.. Ive been a wayne fan since 500 degrees, and his music is just chill to listen to and his lyrics make me think, I dont listen to radio, but i dont think many lil wayne songs make it to the radio..

But because someone is on the radio, doesnt mean they are a bad rapper. Dr. Dre and Snoop both got played on the radio when i was younger, and you can't say they aren't good MC's. Eminem also got played on the radio non stop, and his first shit he came out with is still some of my favorite music

And im down for some text rap battles, im not sure if I'll be any good, but ill give anything a shot

Obviously not "many lil wayne songs make it to the radio," cuz the dude puts out dozens of mixtapes... what i meant when i said he made radio-friendly songs is that he is a commercial rapper, one who makes songs targeted strictly at a mainstream audience (ie, white teenagers). that in and of itself is not necessarily a bad thing... what is bad is when that causes rappers to put out the types of watered-down, simplistic, unlyrical songs that most mainstream rappers like weezy and 50 constantly make.

i agree that being on the radio doesnt make someone a bad rapper... i never said it did. all i said was that the vast majority of the rappers on the radio today are absolutely fucking terrible when compared to rappers of years past and the underground. your comment about legends like dre, em, and snoop being on the radio a lot back in the day just supports what ive been saying... that in the past, mainstream rappers were GOOD - Tupac, Biggie, Dre, Em, Mac Dre, Snoop, etc..... todays mainstream rappers are fucking horrible.... just compare today's top mainstream rappers to the top mainstream rappers of 10-15 years ago and youll see why Nas is saying that "hip hop is dead."

if weezy is honestly better than most rappers youve heard, then you seriously need to listen to some better music... there is so much great rap out there, wasting your time listening to shitty hip-poppers like weezy just doesnt make sense to me... if you want to hear some real hip hop, then look over the list I posted in THIS THREAD ... every single rapper on that list is not just way out of weezy's league, theyre playing a whole different ballgame. seriously man, if you arent familiar with them, check em out if you want to learn what hip hop is all about (especially the rappers it the top half of that list)

Quick 20-bar keystyle (weed/party themed rap)... please drop your thoughts

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